I sent out a tweet today with Lily Tomlin’s quote “Forgiveness is giving up all hope of a better past.” I love that quote because it’s so true. Forgiveness isn’t saying that it’s OK something happened. It’s not saying that you’d want it to happen again or that you’re willing to be a doormat, kicking post, punching bag, etc. in the future. It’s simply saying that you’ve come into acceptance of what happened as being true – without value judgment – and stopped putting energy into being outraged or angry or victimized by it.
Where Are You Putting Your Energy?
When we don’t forgive, we are the ones who pay the price. It is in the letting go that we regain our equilibrium and our power. And think about all of the energy that you are holding onto in feeling upset about the past that could be re-channeled into new items.
Where Do You Get Your Energy?
People ask me all the time where I get my energy. I seem to have boundless amounts of it. And, yes, I would say that I am a more energetic person than most people. But I’ve also learned over the years how to not fritter my energy. I avoid drama and I try to forgive quickly and often.
I Feel Deeply, But I Also Move On Quickly
Being the intense Scorpio that I am, I feel very deeply. People’s comments, positive or negative, can affect me – especially if it’s someone close to me. I can be incredibly hurt or incredibly loving in the flash of a moment. I love my emotions, but I’ve had to learn to take control of them over the years lest they sweep me away in a torrent. I used to think that in order to forgive someone, it meant that I had to put them back into a position of trust again. This is not true.
Forgiveness is NOT a Lack of Discernment
To forgive someone doesn’t mean you have to trust them again. Trust is earned and betrayal takes time to become trust again. Forgiveness is just getting over it – not letting it happen again. To be honest, forgiveness is getting over yourself. I find that I have to get over myself a fair amount (especially when I’m hormonal). It means taking responsibility for the part I played in the situation (if any, but probably I played some part) and moving on from being upset.
Finding Fault – Huge Waste of Time
I want to be clear that I’m not saying that everything is your fault. What I’m saying is that fault is irrelevant to moving on. I take responsibility for my part because it allows me to feel empowered to avoid the same situation again in the future. I do NOT beat up on myself for the mistake. It was a mistake and I’ll learn from it. Move on.
What do you need to move on from today? Are you blaming the economy, your mother, your spouse, or “those people”? The moment you can stop blaming and start focusing on the future instead of the past is the moment that you can make real change in your life. Are you ready for it?
Kelle Sparta is a practicing shaman and life coach. She works with people who are making large-scale transitions in their lives. Her unique talents lie in her ability to discern and communicate the underlying patterns that create problems and stress for her clients. She works with individuals and businesses to improve overall performance and happiness. For more information, visit her website at http://www.tuneinsite.com/ © 2009, Kelle Sparta.